We are now back from the honeymoon. We have one more week of married life until we have to go back to work. I'm taking this opportunity to do a few things: depositing cash gifts, opening gifts, returning gifts, changing up the house a little bit, and viewing pictures from guests that are starting to be uploaded into our flickr account.
As I'm reliving the day through pictures, I am reminded of one single bitter detail of the day. It's not about the linens, or the flowers, or the cake or any other DIY projects that I put my heart and soul into. This was an unexpected event, an event that I could never have suspected to prevent. None of my extended family members showed up to my wedding.
This is a very hard thing for me to write about, or to think about, or to be reminded of. This will be one single post about it and I will let it bury with the relationships with my family that I will let die.
My parents have 7 siblings each. None of my grandparents are alive, but I have a lot of family. Unfortunately, my extended family are mostly in Vietnam. Given the distance and the economic condition, none of the distant family members can make it to the wedding, but they send their best. I understood and appreciated it.
I do however have three blood uncles (from my dad's side) residing no more than 20 miles away from me. Though none of them are married, they have girlfriends with an extended family of their own. I have one blood cousin here that I asked to be one of our readers. Blood or not, marriage or not, I consider all of their extended family my own family. They were all invited, and they all responded yes to the wedding. Except for one uncle, whom I had sent an invitation to, but never RSVP'ed. My parents and I tried calling, but to no avail, did not get an answer. I was very very sad about it, but counted him out of attending. No big deal. He's been known to be absent at these events. I expected it and though disappointed, not surprised.
The day leading up to the wedding went without a glitch. We received all of Joe's out of town guests into town and had a blast of a wedding weekend. On the day of, I dealt with my nerves and walk down the aisle to my soul mate and the ceremony was absolutely perfect. It was the most important aspect of the wedding day for me. I will recap further on that later on with visual interest.
By the time the reception arrives, I was ready to party! We were introduced, danced, seated and served. However, as soon as we sat down and I looked towards the guests, there were several that were missing. None of my uncles were sitting in their seats. Not only did the one that did not respond did not come, the other two failed to show up as well. I wondered what happened, and I whispered my concern to my husband. God forbid, something happened was the first thought that came to my mind. I looked over to the other table where my cousin and "step cousins" sit, and they were present, having a grand old time. If something had happened, they would have panicked. That's when I realized that my family had stood me up, at my own wedding. It was not the time to inquire more about it, but I gotta say, it was the most disappointing stomach sinking feeling I had ever felt. I had no idea why they had done that, because they had showed up to the church for our ceremony. I tried my best to have some fun at the wedding, and in the midst of all of the love that was present there, I managed to forget about it and truly did enjoy the wedding.
After all is said and done, I asked my parents what happened to them and they had no idea. However, I thought I heard a hint of problem, but they urged me to let it go. However, they know me better than that. I don't let things go. At the very least, I have to know what happened, and I have to let them know that I am disappointed. I called my uncle Luke first. The reason for his absent was because his girlfriend's parents were not invited to our wedding. I couldn't believe it! Despite whatever happened, no matter what the problem was, he was supposed to be there, and I let him know so. I hung up the phone after I made myself known, and he apologized.
As for my other uncle, he did not show up because apparently, at the rehearsal dinner (he was the only one that showed up), we did not paid very much attention to him. Be it truth or not (and we were extremely busy), I told him he was supposed to show up, despite what happened. I expressed my disappointment. I hung up the phone. My relationships with them ended as soon as that conversations ended. On one of the most important days of my life, I lost two uncles.
When we got back from the honeymoon, we opened up our monetary gifts for deposit. Sitting in the midst of it was a check from my uncle Luke for $1,000. I set it aside and did not deposit it. Joe understands completely and absolutely supported my decision. That is why I love that man. I did not even have to explain. Tonight, called Luke one last time to let him know that I will not be depositing the check, so there is no surprises. I detected a small defeat in his voice. The conversation was brief, ending with my appreciation. I finally felt at peace since everything happened. I'm now happily settled into my new married life. My relationship with my immediate family is as strong as ever. More importantly, my marriage had given me such a great new family, who are extremely welcoming and genuine. They are crazy, but I love them.
From this experience, I vow to work on my relationships with my own siblings.
Also, this experience rung true to a very wise advice Joe and I received from my mother. Money will come and go, work on the love. This experience was a testament of that. We technically lost $1,000, but we never had it. We lost the love.
